Anxious Everywhere

I spend a lot of time Googling very basic things.

I mean that in the most general way, but specific to this post - I spend A LOT of time Googling tiny tidbits of information that might make doing something or going somewhere new less of a mystery.

Doing new, mysterious things isn’t exactly something I excel at. I’m clearly not part of Scooby Doo’s little van-dwelling, meddlesome gang. Are they a gang? I bet Velma go hard.

Ten out of ten times, when attempting something new, I’m drowning in the details.

I need to know who.
I need to know what.
I need to know why.
I need to know where.
I need to know how.

Why do I require ALL of the clarity? Well, that’s simple. It makes me feel better. It calms me to know what to expect.

Perhaps you know someone similar? Perhaps that someone is you or someone you love. Perhaps you have no idea what I’m talking about - in which case, this is all the more important. Did you know that people get anxious about new things? They do! I am a people who does that.

I’m talking about a range of things: from the simple to the inherently more difficult.

As someone who has recently dedicated a lot of time to documenting the triggers and thoughts that come from the anxiety around doing new things - I’ve decided to take it a step further.

Last time I did something new I kept saying, “You know, I wish there was an article or some instructions I could read that would give me a baseline for what I’m about to encounter.”

I didn’t say it like that.

I said it more like, “Why can’t someone just tell me what the fuck to expect?" as I frantically chewed an edible for social anxiety. “Why can’t someone provide me tips to get through this very specific event?" …I didn’t say that one either. Outside of the example where I’m casually dropping the F word, none of these quotes are accurate. (Why yes, my two year old does use fuck correctly and I’m working on it).

My point is this: I’m going to do that.

Once I’ve done the thing, I’m going to write about the thing. Here’s an outline of what to expect from these posts. (This is honestly just an outline for me to reference in the future, but also a fun insight into how I plan things - aren’t you excited? I’m wasting YOUR time for MY benefit!)

• What did you do/where did you go, sussy boy?

  • Why are you referring to yourself as ‘sussy boy?’

• What were you anxious about?

  • List all the things that raced through your mind sorted by timeframe (Yes, the anxiety starts early and proceeds well beyond the duration of the event itself, that’s how this works… or rather, doesn’t).

    • Upon receiving the invite

    • The week before

    • The day before

    • The day of

    • While there

    • The mental recap of the day in the two days following the thing

• What did you do/not do to prepare?

  • Which of these things were necessary/not necessary?

  • What did you miss?

• Fun tips for getting through… I mean enjoying the thing and being in the moment despite all of the chatter and telling yourself you’re the worst at the thing.

• Cool wrapped up conclusion with a cute bow and a little boop on the nose for good measure.

That’ll do pig.

My intent with this is, basically, to build a library of my own anxieties with evidence of successful outcomes and to share it with the world. Why? I’m secretly a narcissist.

No.

My goal is to present insights into the anxious mind, what troubles it in varying scenarios, and to ease some of the burdens for whoever might benefit.

BuT wHo WoUlD bEnEfIt FrOm ReAdInG aBoUt YoUr WoRrIeS? WhAt MaKeS yOu So SpEcIaL? (This is the way I am going to represent my inner critical self. She’s a dumb fucking moron who types like the entire world is an AOL Instant Messenger away message in 2002).

Nothing.

From my experience, finding that someone else thinks/feels/sees things the same way I do is incredibly beneficial and relieving.

From my experience, getting insight from someone else that DOESN’T think/feel/see things the same way I do is incredibly eye-opening and useful.

If some dumb pool party where I stressed hard about whether to wear a bathing suit there or to change into it at the party can make someone feel less alone in their own neurotic behavior, shine light on potential stressors for partners of the worrisome, AND simultaneously offer a baseline of what might actually matter/not matter…

I’m just saying, I wish that it already existed.

So, now it will.